Coming out of the dumpster
Have you ever seen The Wedding Singer?
The stage musical, I mean. It’s a treat. Not like groundbreaking theatre by any means, but a fun remix of a star studded film.
As I sort of recollect myself and take it one day at a time during this pandemic that feels endless (but I’d like to think it isn't), the past few weeks remind me of a song in the Wedding Singer called “Come Out of the Dumpster”. (If you’re cringing at my theatre kid nerd status, I am too but also this is the LEAST of my theatre kid nerd ism) Here’s a link where it’s sung by Laura Benanti, 10/10 recommend.
As the song goes, “Everyone has a dumpster/A stumbling block they can't ignore” and I’ve heard this pandemic and 2020 referred to as dumpster fires of a year. They even have ornaments of little dumpsters on fire that say “2020” on them. Brilliant tbh, but ooof, too real.
And while the pandemic feels like such a dumpster in itself, there’s so many other dumpsters we get stuck in, right? Dumpsters of self doubt, procrastination, dumpsters full of negative thoughts and cruel self talk. Dumpsters are sticky and slimy with unhelpful habits and people who aren’t helping us out of the dumpster, but instead pulling us further into the garbage and making us feel like trash. Or maybe we are making ourselves feel like trash. It stinks!!!
It’s easy to slip into a dumpster and not know how to get out. It’s easy to just feel disappointed, depressed, “down on your luck/down in the…dumps”. Sometimes people pull us down there and then leave us with the mess to clean up. It’s so hard.
I fell hard into my anxiety dumpster when the pandemic hit. (Like a lot of people did, I’m sure) and it became really challenging to see past all the horrible news and social media and negativity and gloom. I lost a lot of my light while I was stuck in that dumpster. My faith in humanity was barely flickering, and rightfully so, it was covered in social media slime and negative news. My dumpster was riddled with fear and anger and a lot of granola bar wrappers.
Every so often throughout the pandemic (and my life in general) I’ve been able to slide the little trash door of my dumpster open and see the light, breath in the fresh air and maybe shout for help. This past year I shouted/cried/whispered for help and it came in the form of therapy, hugs, exercise, gentle friends and family, and anti-anxiety medication.
Just a couple hours ago I finally purchased my own PO Box dedicated to my art—under my own business name Elton B Makes Art. It’s a simple thing really. It wasn’t hard to do, but it took me a long time to get there, and to actually commit to doing it.
And after I got that email confirmation saying I have a box of my own I felt like I maybe just climbed out of my dumpster!!
….and then I realized I needed an updated driver’s license to claim and activate the PO Box…which I don’t have because we just moved states. Lol. Baby steps.
So more like I blew the top off and I’m taking the big step out.
Either way, I have been sooo tired of being in the dumpster. It’s not like I haven’t been digging my way out for a while. A lot of little steps have added up to the step forward, up, and out.
And I could easily slip back in—heck I might feel very much in the dumpster tomorrow even! But now I’ve tasted that sweet fresh air, I’ve paved the way and pushed a lot of trash aside. And the next time I do slip in, I’ll be able to sort through it a bit faster and get on my merry way.
Whatever dumpster you’re in, I hope you know there’s sun and fresh air and a lot of people cheering for you and reaching their hands out to help you up.
Maybe as we move through the day we can remember that everyone’s got a dumpster (or might be in one). And maybe we can be a little gentle, a little patient, maybe break into song? Just kidding!! Please use song responsibly.
But, like the song, whether you're in or out of the dumpster, me and a lot of other people will be right here waiting for you.
Xoxo Elton b
